We are all faced with boundary testing every day.
We are asked to stay late at work for a project or meeting.
A volunteer project comes up that you are asked to lead.
We set guidelines on what we can and can’t take on.
Until things get tricky.
The ego boosts come in:
“We really need YOUR perspective on this…”
“YOU are perfect for this project/role…”
“YOUR name came up in the group as the best fit….”
Or, in a job search, the job title and/or company seeps in.
We can be lulled in by the cache of the company name.
The perceived “bigness” of the title.
Or, getting an offer and being drawn to the role because we are “chosen”.
My Perspective
When we feel wanted, needed, or chosen, it’s hard to resist.
Even when the thing at hand might not be something we want, need, or would choose.
As we navigate through these life situations, we can consider a different form of boundary list.
We could create a list that describes the types of projects we will and will not take on.
We could add the amount of time we are willing to allocate to these activities.
When job searching, we can set a clear vision and objective for the role we want.
These lists can help us avoid being disengaged and disappointed in the future.
The next time we are in a situation where these feelings come up, we need 5 minutes.
Step back from the request/offer and remember our list.
Is this a fit or does it sit outside the boundaries?
Your Turn
Have you volunteered, taken on a project, or said yes to a job because of the “chosen” feeling?
Do you think a list of boundaries would help you avoid these situations?
If you were searching for a job, could you say no?