There is a concept that is used in schools called “Help, Hug, Heard”.
Asking a child which one they need in advance of a conversation, sets it up for success.
Jancee Dunn presented the idea in a NYT article as something we could all use with those we love.
And then, the concept was made popular by the book Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg.
I’ve been thinking how effective this could be to avoid miscommunication in the workplace.
Yet, the hug feels off in that setting.
After playing with the idea, I have an alternative recommendation for work.
I tried to narrow the list to three, but I feel the nuance of all four is important.
Silence, Support, Suggestions, Solutions
Starting with Silence. Sometimes we just need someone to listen to what is going on. Let us talk about it so that we can figure out where to go next. Or simply vent out some frustrations.
Next, we may be seeking Support. We might want reinforcement that an idea we have is worth pursuing. Or a meeting that didn’t go so well. When bad days or events occur, sometimes we just need some support for what we are going through.
Next, we may want Suggestions. We might be starting a new project and want to brainstorm different approaches. Or facing a problem and want ideas on how we might resolve. Sometimes we need to broaden our perspective without needing the solution.
That leads us to the last category of Solutions. Sometimes we just need something solved. We don’t know how to approach or can’t figure it out, but someone else has experience. We go to them not to look for ideas, but instead the direction to take to fix the problem.
Why the Framework Helps
We’ve all experienced the time when we were on different pages with someone in a conversation.
We need support and they are providing solutions.
We want suggestions and they are sitting silent.
Checking in at the beginning to state your need would avoid these misaligned moments.
Your Turn
Do you think this framework would help your professional conversations?
Is there someone that you seem frequently misaligned with?
How might you bring up this approach to leverage in future conversations?