We all have goals. Become a writer. Lose weight. Get a promotion. Be more organized. Improve a relationship with a co-worker. The list is endless.
Most goals we set are within reach. Yet, we struggle to make them happen. Why do we self-sabotage on the path to accomplishing our dreams?
The last few days, resources have been “dropping in” on me that touch on the edges of this topic. There was a meditation, a podcast, and an audiobook that got me thinking of both the challenge we have with self-sabotage as well as techniques that can help us to overcome. Here is a mix of lesson’s I’ve learned.
What is Self-Sabotage?
A quick definition of self-sabotage is “when your thoughts and/or actions hold you back from accomplishing your goals”. According to Psychology Today, common types of self-sabotage involve procrastination, perfectionism, relationships, work, finances, time, and change.
It’s easy to see how these turn into excuses for not meeting goals: It’s not good enough, I don’t have any time to get it done, so and so is preventing that from happening. The list is unending.
At the core, underlying issues tie to fears. In particular, the fear of judgement and fear of failure.
When the fears emerge, we start down the path of negative self-talk and then start implementing our “techniques”.
So, what can we do to overcome the fears and reduce the frequency of self-sabotage?
Self-Awareness: The process starts with self-awareness. Identifying the types of self-sabotage that are our personal go-to’s is the first step in getting past them.
Another resource I came across this week for self-awareness was an interview with Kevin Hart discussing his new audiobook – “Monsters and How to Tame Them”. This audiobook introduces you to the monsters in your head like the Control Monster, Comparison Monster, and Approval Monster. He provides overviews of each monster and how to tame them. This is now on my list to listen to!
Engagement: After understanding the types of self-sabotage we use; the next step is engagement.
In a meditation earlier this week, there was a lesson that said we can determine the ideas in our head that we engage with and those that we acknowledge and let go.
When it comes to our fears that drive excuses, we can choose to not engage with them.
My Story
When it comes to the type of self-sabotage I employ, perfectionism is the excuse used most often with the occasional time and procrastination sprinkled in.
I am trying to become more aware when these tendencies creep in and use the advice from the meditation to proactively acknowledge the thoughts and decide not to engage. This isn’t easy, but the more I do it, the more effective it becomes.
Your Turn
Which types of self-sabotage do you use as your go-to?
Have you tried to not engage with negative thoughts that crop up in your mind?
Our negative self-talk isn’t going to stop anytime soon. However, we can start to become aware of when it’s creeping in, acknowledge that it’s there, and choose not to engage. Instead, stay true to the path you are on, even when it’s scary.